Three questions about ecpathy

A conversation with Brigitte Hettenkofer about ecpathy

Ecpathy refers to the ability to consciously distance oneself from other people’s emotions. It acts as a counterbalance to empathy and protects against being overwhelmed by others’ feelings. Ecpathic individuals perceive the emotions of others, but do not allow themselves to be consumed by them. As such, ecpathy serves as a safeguard against emotional overload, manipulation and exploitation. It is particularly essential in leadership roles and social professions to maintain clarity and the ability to act.

Brigitte Hettenkofer is a qualified theologian and is passionate about helping people develop their inner strength and resilience. For twenty years, she has been offering NeuroResilience counselling, training and team development, helping individuals and teams to remain resilient and mentally robust. Her focus is on inspiring and encouraging teams to navigate challenging phases with renewed strength. Brigitte Hettenkofer is therefore the right person to contact regarding the following three questions:

Are there situations in which a leader should consciously choose not to practise ecpathy?

Brigitte Hettenkofer: Ecpathy is not a permanent state. It is a conscious decision. And that is precisely the crux of this question.

There are moments when a manager senses: now is not the right time for clear boundaries. Right now, someone simply needs me to be there. No strategy, no reflective questions, no structured handover of responsibility – just presence.

A colleague receives a serious diagnosis. The team experiences something deeply upsetting together. In such moments, emotional detachment would not be a strength. It would be coldness.

Ecpathy does not mean always keeping your distance. It means consciously deciding when closeness is appropriate and important, and when distance offers protection. Anyone who confuses this reduces ecpathy to a technique. But it is an attitude, and attitudes are situation-sensitive.

This also applies in crises. When a team is under acute pressure, it needs a leader who provides direction, makes decisions and remains visible. In such phases, greater emotional involvement can have a stabilising effect, not a destabilising one. The leader who shows that they understand the gravity of the situation yet remains capable of acting gives the team something crucial: the feeling that someone is at the helm.

Here, too, the difference lies in awareness.

Empathy without ecpathy means: the leader is swept away by the situation. They suffer along with the team, lose sight of the bigger picture and eventually become unable to act themselves. Ecpathy in times of crisis does not mean remaining unaffected. It means being moved and yet holding firm.

This is not a contradiction to the concept. It is its most mature form.

The question leaders can ask themselves in such moments is not “Should I show closeness now?”, but “Do I stay true to myself and show compassion, or do I lose myself and sink into the other person’s suffering?” As long as the answer to the question “Show closeness when the situation calls for it” is yes, emotional involvement is not a weakness. It is human leadership.

Empathy and losing oneself are two different things. Ecpathy knows the difference. And those who know this difference can do both: be truly present whilst remaining clear-headed.

Can ecpathy also be misunderstood or misused within an organisation?

Brigitte Hettenkofer: This question deserves an honest answer, because the risk is real.

Yes, ecpathy can be misunderstood. And in organisations where leadership responsibility is already weak, it can even serve as a welcome excuse: ‘I’m handing responsibility back to the team.’ That sounds like modern leadership and self-organised collaboration, but is sometimes simply indifference in a new guise.

The crucial difference lies in the attitude behind it.

Ecpathy means: I remain present, I see the problem, I consciously decide what my role as a leader is and what the team’s is. This requires clarity, courage and engagement. Indifference means: I turn away because the issue overwhelms me, annoys me or is deemed not to fall within my remit. This requires nothing at all, except a good excuse.

Anyone who uses ecpathy as a shield to avoid unpleasant truths is not practising ecpathy. They are practising avoidance with a nicer name.

Organisationally, it becomes dangerous when ecpathy is introduced as a concept without simultaneously clarifying what leadership responsibility actually means. For the question of what belongs to the team and what does not cannot be answered in a vacuum. It needs a framework: clear roles, defined responsibilities and a leadership culture that understands both letting go and providing support.

A concrete distinguishing feature: Ecpathic leadership returns responsibility whilst remaining in contact. It says: “This is your task and I am here if you need support.” Indifferent leadership hands over responsibility and disappears. It implicitly says: “Work it out for yourselves.”

The litmus test is the question: Am I still in dialogue?

Ecpathetic leaders observe how the team handles the responsibility that has been handed back. They intervene when the team is structurally overwhelmed, when resources are lacking, or when systemic obstacles stand in the way. They distinguish between situations in which the team can grow and situations in which genuine leadership is required.

Ecpathy still means taking responsibility.

What role does corporate culture play in successful ecpathic leadership?

Brigitte Hettenkofer: Ecpathic leadership requires more than just one manager trying to practise it. Individual competence alone is not enough if the organisation is pulling in the opposite direction.

Imagine this: a manager has understood ecpathic leadership, practises it consciously, and yet still feels the pull every day. The pull of a culture in which

• constant availability is equated with commitment,
• the person who stays the longest is regarded as the most committed,
• setting boundaries is quickly interpreted as disinterest or indifference,
• the manager must always have an open door for team members, or
• the manager must have an immediate solution to every question and every problem.

In such organisations, ecpathy is swimming against the tide.

This means that ecpathy as an individual leadership competence requires structural conditions in order to be effective.

The first condition is psychological safety, at all levels. Two illustrative aspects of psychological safety: teams must be allowed to experience that mistakes can be addressed without the threat of sanctions. Managers, too, must be allowed to show that they cannot do or know everything without this being interpreted as a weakness.

The second condition is clarity of roles within the organisation. Ecpathy only works if it is clear who is responsible for what. If responsibilities remain vague, decision-making processes are unclear and managers are structurally held accountable for matters outside their sphere of influence, then the conscious question “What is my responsibility and what is not?” is almost impossible to answer. Without organisational clarity, ecpathy remains a nice idea with no foundation.

The third condition is an understanding of leadership that views boundaries as a competence, not a shortcoming. As long as, within an organisation, the manager who works the hardest is praised the most, ecpathy will swim against the tide. When leadership that allows the team to grow, rather than shouldering everything alone, is regarded as a strength, this changes expectations for everyone.

Ecpathy can be practised even under difficult conditions, and it can even be a quiet contribution to cultural change. Those who remain clear set a standard.

But to be honest: individual leaders cannot compensate for an unhealthy corporate culture on their own. At some point, organisations need to understand that resilient teams require resilient framework conditions. Ecpathy is not a solo sport. It needs an environment that supports it.

Notes:

Would you like to discuss empathy and ecpathy with Brigitte Hettenkofer? You can easily get in touch with her on LinkedIn or via her website. Her German book ‘Team Resilienz: Das Geheimnis robuster, optimistischer und lösungsorientierter Teams.’, in which she shows how teams remain capable of acting under pressure, is also very interesting.

On the t2informatik Blog, you will also find an article by Brigitte Hettenkofer on Empathy without ecpathy exhausts managers.

Would you like to discuss ecpathy as an influencer or opinion leader? Then please share this post on your social media channels.

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