Self-care: no more feeling guilty
Why is self-care so difficult?
Do you sometimes feel that there are not enough hours in the day to do justice to everything, everyone and, above all, to yourself? The demands of your job, the expectations and needs of family and friends, your own striving for perfection…
Where does that leave you?
Somewhere in between – if at all.
The bad conscience that comes with ‘wanting to do something for ourselves’ often prevents us from really pausing. The thoughts about it can be overwhelming. After all, we could use this time more ‘meaningfully’ – for work, for example, or for all the other people around us.
But have you ever thought about the fact that self-care can be quite simple? That it is often much more subtle than a visit to the spa, and that self-care may take much less time than you think?
Self-care tends to happen on a small scale and begins with your willingness to really do something for yourself. It is not only an act of self-love, but also the foundation for being able to be there for others with energy and clarity.
A new approach to self-care
What if self-care wasn’t a rigid routine and not just another thing to tick off on your list, but a living, breathing, highly flexible process that adapts to your life situation?
Each and every one of us plays different roles – as a manager, colleague, partner, friend, mother, father… And each of these roles has its own unique needs.
This new approach to self-care starts right here:
what your body, mind, soul and heart really need in different situations and corresponding roles.
Perhaps your professional life requires mental clarity and focus, while your private life calls for emotional presence and calm?
The core of this approach is that self-care cannot be a ‘one-size-fits-all’ concept, but is constantly changing – depending on the role, moment and need.
Self-care is not a luxury
Often, we are held back by the fear of appearing selfish. However, self-care is not a luxury and it is certainly not selfish. It is non-negotiable and is the one thing that should be prioritised. Women in particular should free themselves from the belief that they should deny themselves time to care for themselves.
Saying YES to yourself is not saying NO to others. Saying YES is the basis for acting with clarity, joy and energy in all areas of life – calmly and without stress. Setting boundaries and consciously saying NO when necessary protects our resources and at the same time enables us to be there for others in an authentic and appreciative way.
Self-care begins with the conscious decision to prioritise yourself. You are number one – you should remind yourself of this every day.
Ask yourself questions such as:
- Why is it important to take good care of myself?
- What do I want to change?
- How can I maintain my energy throughout the day?
- What do my body, mind, soul and heart need to get through the storm of everyday professional life and all its demands calmly?
The answers to these questions will help you through your day and help you make self-care an integral part of your life.
In addition, little rituals can help to bring you back to yourself again and again. Whether it’s an affirmation on a post-it, a conscious breathing space or a short walk – such anchors remind you that your needs are just as important as those of others. What is important is to consistently stay on top of it and be willing to practice and enjoy these brief moments of self-care.
Practical approaches to individual self-care
There are a whole range of approaches that you can actively use for your self-care:
Self-care in role change: More than just reflection
Reflect on your different roles and consider what your body, mind, soul and heart need in each role. How do the roles influence each other? Are there synergies that you can use?
Perhaps your body, mind, soul and heart need similar rituals in different roles. For example, a short meditation in the morning could promote both your professional and private balance. Also, recognise which role needs particular attention at a certain stage in your life and plan specifically how you can support it.
Setting boundaries: The ability to stand up for your own needs
Think of a situation in which you would have liked to say NO. What would have helped you to communicate your boundaries clearly and respectfully?
A helpful approach is the ‘sandwich method’: start with an appreciative statement, communicate your ‘no’ clearly, and end with a positive outlook.
Example: ‘I really appreciate our joint project, but I can’t take on this additional task. Let’s think about how we can distribute the resources differently.’
Practice setting boundaries in less critical situations to develop this skill. Also ask yourself: are there patterns in which you often let your boundaries be crossed? Recognising these patterns is the first step towards change. And it strengthens your ability to stand up for your needs – without guilt.
Create a personal routine: one step at a time
Make a list of activities that do you good and do more of them. Try to find a balance between fixed and flexible routines. Choose those that can be easily integrated into your daily routine.
Perhaps it’s a structured morning with fixed rituals that can give you stability, or an evening walk that soothes your soul.
Consider which routines and rituals have a big impact with little time spent on them. A five-minute breathing exercise, a gratitude journal with three items or a short stretching session can noticeably increase your sense of well-being. Keep track of your progress and celebrate small successes – this will motivate you and strengthen your positive attitude towards your self-care routine.
Long-term self-care: a conscious way of life that grows
Self-care is not a one-off project, but an attitude that permeates all areas of your life. Recognising self-care as a dynamic practice that evolves with you.
What makes you feel good today may no longer be enough tomorrow – or you may need different methods to overcome new challenges. Ask yourself regularly: ‘How do I feel in this area of my life? What do I need right now?’
Use tools such as journaling or have regular conversations with people you trust to help you continually redefine your needs and goals. Long-term self-care requires attention, patience and a willingness to constantly question yourself.
Conclusion: self-care with heart and mind and without feeling guilty
Self-care is not a rigid checklist, but a living, adaptable process that accompanies you through every phase of your life. You can allow yourself to explore and respect your needs every day – without guilt, but with self-compassion and mindfulness. What your body, mind, soul and heart need today may look different tomorrow – and that’s perfectly fine. This flexibility makes self-care a powerful tool that promotes your personal development and helps you face challenges with resilience and clarity.
When you are aware of your different roles and their individual demands, self-care becomes a natural, integral part of your everyday life. It is not a luxury, but an essential foundation for your health, happiness and well-being. By taking good care of yourself, you set an example: for yourself and for others. You show that self-care is not a selfish act, but an expression of self-respect and inner strength.
Have the courage to put yourself first – not because you are selfish, but because only then can you direct your energy and attention to what is important. With a conscious self-care practice, you lay the foundation for lasting success, deep zest for life and an authentic connection to yourself and your environment.
Take this path with heart, mind and a sense of serenity. It is not a task that you tick off, but an attitude that you cultivate and live every day. Because you deserve it. Because you are worth it.
Notes:
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Janine Tychsen has published a very readable book Frauen, geht in Führung! 90 Tage Führungsmuskeltraining
Janine Tychsen has published further articles on the t2informatik Blog, including:
From executive to leadership personality
Leadership quality number 1: Self-care
Fits into every diary: self-care
Janine Tychsen
Janine Tychsen has been training and coaching women in leadership positions in administration, business and science organisations for many years.
Her mission: to inspire women for leadership and encourage them to lead self-determined, creatively and with inner strength.
Her motto: Women, take the lead! From leadership to leadership personality to leading as a role model.
Ms Tychsen works with women on their leadership and communication skills, their attitude to leadership, their inner attitude and on the demands and challenges placed on women in leadership (such as dealing with employees, conflict and crisis management, organising work and time, difficult conversations and decisions, dealing with refusals to work, etc.).